Are you okay?

People ask me are you okay. However, I don’t think they really want to hear what I have to say.

People ask are you okay, but the truth makes them uncomfortable.

The truth is, I’m not okay.

The truth is, that it is okay to not be okay.

so don’t ask me “Are you okay?”

if you don’t like what I have to say.

Sometimes I feel like I have to tell people what they want to hear. because they can’t handle the truth.

There are days when I feel like I’m on top of the world. I tell myself, wow you are amazing. I’m not sure how you’ve come so far and you are stronger than you think.

I amaze myself.

but then that feeling comes back. Stronger than ever, as if the longer it stays away the stronger it gets. and once again I’m thrown to the ground.

and it hurts so much. it feels like my chest is caving in.It feels like I’m drowning. It feels like everyone sees me but NO ONE hears me.

I think my chest will cave in and it’ll be over. My throat tightens up, I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air.

That feeling. it stays sometimes for a few minutes. for a few hours and Sometimes for a day.

That’s how I really feel.

but that’s not what you want to hear.

So I say, I’m okay.