After all this happened, I had to decide on what to do. I wanted to stay home forever and hide from the world.
But I knew I couldn’t. I had only 1 month left of completing my masters program.
This has been my first week back. It has been the most exhausting and draining weeks of my life.
How do I go on when nothing feels normal? I know I have to finish school, but it has been extremely difficult.
Some days are good, but most days are bad. I find myself in a dark place mostly. I smile all day and try to hide behind this fake exterior and act like everything is okay. However, it feels like I’m drowning and everyone is just watching.
I just want to feel better. I’m constantly thing of what could of been.
I don’t even know what happy feels like anymore. I feel like I’m constantly putting on a fake smile for others.
Yet no one understands, they talk about meaningless things, perhaps just making conversation but they don’t feel what I feel.
Today I’m sad. Tomorrow I’ll probably be sad too. And you just have to be okay with that,
Incompetent and Resilient 