I remember the day I found out I was having a baby girl. I was SO happy. I have always wanted a little girl. My entire pregnancy, I longed for the day to find out gender, but I thought because I wanted a little girl, I would get a boy. However, the joy I felt when I found out you were a little girl, I cannot even describe. I wanted you more than anything in this entire world. I daydreamed all day and night about the first time, I’d get to hold you. I looked at millions of websites searching for baby girl clothing. I went through millions of names. I dreamed about the person you would become. I wrote letters to you, that I would one day give to you. Baby girl, I wanted to give you the world.
Instead, all I dreamt of was ripped from right under me. And now I’m left with this empty feeling in my heart.
My body had failed me. My own body had failed me. I had failed you. Was I a bad person? Is this happening because God is punishing me? I can’t help but think this is my fault. I have failed you, and you were so beautiful and perfect. I’m sorry. Mina Aziz Tamim, I loved you from the moment I knew I was pregnant, and I don’t know why I didn’t get more time with you, but I’m sorry I failed you baby girl. I am so sorry.
Incompetent and Resilient 